


Teenage Hormones

by boredom



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Humor, Multi, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 06:17:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6600067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boredom/pseuds/boredom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coach Ukai knows that being a teenager is a stressful, hormonal time. He just wished his players would be hormonal somewhere else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teenage Hormones

Ukai yawned and shuffled towards the gym. Why did he agree to do this again? Sure he liked volleyball just fine, but getting up for morning practice was hell. He should have said no, then he could be sleeping. 

He couldn’t help but groan as he realized that not only did he have to get up at the crack of dawn, he also had to deal with a bunch of excitable first years. If Hinata and Kageyama could just stop fighting each other for thirty minutes, Ukai would be happy. 

He was coming up to the gym when he saw two figures sneaking around to the side. One was extremely tall and the other was extremely short, it was probably Asahi and Nishinoya walking around. What were they doing? Shouldn’t they be in the gym? Practice started in ten minutes and if they weren’t in the gym, they were going to be running laps. Ukai debated just ignoring them and punish them for being late. But they really needed those two to practice. And Asahi was still rusty after his little break. 

So Ukai did what any good coach would do, he went to collect his wayward players. Except he wished he hadn’t. 

Looking back, he should have realized that those wet, smacking sounds were the sounds of people kissing, and that the grunts and moans were definitely sexual in nature. But it was early, he was tired, and he could already hear Hinata and Kageyama shouting at each other. 

He rounded the corner and dropped his coffee at the sight of Asahi and Nishinoya rutting against the side of the gym. Nishinoya’s hands were tangled in Asahi’s hair, letting out little grunts and moans right against Asahi’s mouth. Asahi had his arms hooked under Nishinoya’s legs and was thrusting up against him. 

“What the hell are you doing? We have practice in ten minutes!” Ukai shouted. True, that probably wasn’t the best way to handle this. But he was too shocked to think straight at the moment. 

Asahi cried out and dropped Nishinoya on the ground. “Coach!” He turned and gave a sheepish smile. Ukai was glad that both still seemed to be dressed, if not a little rumpled. 

Nishinoya sprang up and smiled at him. “We were practicing weightlifting.” He lied, laughing nervously.

“Just get in the gym.” Ukai pointed to the door and glared at the two as they walked by. He couldn’t say he wasn’t surprised with those two. It actually made some pieces fall into place. But that didn’t mean they could fuck during practice!

oOoOoOo

It was about a week later and Ukai resolved to keep the image of Nishinoya and Asahi firmly out of his mind. He didn’t need to know what those two did in their private time. Besides, Hinata and Kageyama were arguing again. Tsukishima was acting like a little shit, and Tanaka wouldn’t stop hitting on Yachi. Ukai really should have never taken this position. 

He noticed a jacket on the floor of the gym and sighed. Everyone had gone home so whoever owned the jacket wasn’t going to get it until tomorrow. There was a lost and found in the locker room that would hold it. Ukai picked it up and trudged towards the locker room. 

“I am not their mother,” he grumbled. Whoever owned the jacket was going to be running laps tomorrow. 

He quietly slipped inside the locker room and froze. He could hear two people panting from somewhere. Now, any reasonable adult would turn around and leave teenagers to go at it. But Ukai was going to yell at Nishinoya and Asahi again. True, they weren’t practicing, but they still shouldn’t be fucking in a locker room! 

He hurried towards the sources of the panting, rounded the corner to see…Tsukishima and Yamaguchi? 

Is it bad that Ukai’s first thought was “I always thought Tsukishima would top”? Sure enough, Tsukishima was on his back, one leg over Yamaguchi’s shoulder, both boys were extremely naked, with Yamaguchi thrusting against Tsukishima. 

Once again, Ukai did not handle the situation with the grace that was expected. “What the hell? Do you idiots want to get locked in the gym?” 

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi cried out in surprise and scrambled off the bench, both trying to cover the fact that they did not have any clothes on. 

“Ah, there’s my jacket,” Yamaguchi said, laughing nervously. As if they could pretend like they were doing anything else. 

Ukai threw the jacket at them and turned around. “You’re running laps tomorrow. Get out of here.” And then stormed out of the building. Again, it wasn’t that much of a surprise that Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were together. It actually made a lot of sense. But that didn’t mean that Ukai wanted to catch them having sex!

oOoOoOo

Some new uniforms came in and for some reason; Ukai was the one putting them in the clubhouse. Well, everyone else was in class. At least, Ukai hoped they were in class. Hinata seemed like the type to skip just so he could play more volleyball. 

His thoughts drifted to the two couples he got to see in action. He then quickly pushed those thoughts away because that was disturbing. Seriously, couldn’t those kids do it in their cars or something like normal teenagers? Well, Ukai hoped they had learned their lesson and would not be doing any sexual acts in the school again. 

He pushed open the door and just wanted to cry at the sight he was greeted with. Sugawara was sitting on a chair and Daichi was kneeling in front of him, Sugawara’s legs over his shoulders. From the sounds that were echoing in the room, he was sucking on something. Was it too much to hope that Daichi was sucking on a popsicle?

“Oh come on!” Ukai cried. 

Sugawara jumped and ended up kicking Daichi’s face. Daichi fell back and verified that he was not sucking on a popsicle. 

“Ah, are you okay?” Sugawara was trying to pull back on his pants while also taking care of Daichi. 

“Coach, what are you doing here?” Daichi asked. His nose had started to bleed. 

“Sugawara!”

Sugawara stood up straight. “Ye-yes?” 

Ukai was glad he put his pants back on. “Get him to the nurse.” 

“Yes, sir!” Sugawara pulled Daichi’s arm and shuffled past Ukai, looking redder by the minute. 

Ukai dropped the box and stared at the chair Sugawara had been sitting on. Maybe he should burn it. Or maybe he should burn himself. No one should ever have to walk in on three different couples having sex. 

oOoOoOo

Well, no one except for Hinata, Kageyama, and Tanaka were looking Ukai in the eyes anymore. Sugawara had started stuttering whenever he talked with him. Asahi would run away quickly. And Yamaguchi would just hide behind Tsukishima. Ukai wanted to strike fear into the hearts of his players, but he didn’t want it to happen due to sex! 

Practice was getting harder to sit through as each time Ukai talked with a player, he could only imagine them in whatever sexual position he had found them in. It was distracting and he wished he had never walked in on anyone.

It was so distracting that he forgot his keys in the gym. Ukai groaned and turned around. Hinata and Kageyama were in charge of cleaning tonight, so he would have to deal with listening to them argue as he searched for the keys. He just wanted to go home and drink until he forgot everything. 

Of course, luck had never been on his side. There was Hinata, sitting on Kageyama’s lap, panting and moaning. And Kageyama was sucking on Hinata’s neck, his hand jerking in a very familiar fashion. 

“Tobio, I’m gonna—“ Hinata moaned again and Kageyama just sucked on his neck. 

Ukai really needed to get better at confronting his players. “That’s not how you clean a gym!” His voice was almost in hysterics. But he didn’t care. He couldn’t go one week without catching someone having sex. 

“Ah!” Hinata cried, and not out of pleasure. He hid his face in Kageyama’s chest.

“Idiot, I don’t want to face him either!” Kageyama cried, trying to push Hinata off him. 

Only these two would argue after getting caught having sex. “Clean the damn gym!” Ukai cried. He wondered if the girl’s volleyball team had this much sex. He should just quit now, just to save the remaining shreds of sanity. 

Kageyama finally succeeded pushing Hinata off and was tucking himself back in his shorts before running to grab a broom. Hinata scrambled after him. 

Ukai just groaned and walked away. He got to his house only to realize that he never grabbed his keys and he did not want to go back to the gym. It wasn’t a very good night for Ukai.

oOoOoOo

After seeing Hinata and Kageyama, Ukai decided he needed to address the team about appropriate behavior. They were all sitting in a row, all looking worried except for Tanaka. He just looked confused. Daichi’s nose wasn’t broken, thank God, but that didn’t stop him from having a lovely bruise cover half of his face. Sugawara had been apologizing incessantly since the incident. 

“Tanaka!” Ukai barked.

Tanaka straightened up, starting to look worried. “Yes, sir?” 

Ukai continued to pace back and forth, trying to keep his anger at a simmering level. “Congratulations, you are now my favorite player.” 

“Yes! Wait, what?” Tanaka glanced at Ukai. 

Ukai ignored him. “I can’t believe I have to say this, but due to recent events, I think I should make it very clear. There is not to be any sex anywhere in this vicinity.”

Everyone glanced at each other. Tanaka just looked more confused. 

“There is to be no sex on the side of the building, no sex in the locker rooms, no sex in the clubhouse, and no sex in the gym! Do you know when the last time this place was cleaned? Do you want to get a disease?” Ukai shouted. 

Hinata turned red and refused to look at Ukai. 

“And when I say no sex, I mean nothing sexual at all. No hand jobs, no blow jobs, no dry humping and no penetration! Do I make myself clear?” 

“Yes, coach.” Came the reluctant and embarrassed reply. 

Ukai pulled out a piece of paper. “And, just to keep the making out down to a minimum, you all now have assigned seats when we go to games.” 

Nishinoya looked outraged, but Asahi put a hand on his back. 

“Um, coach, I’m not on here.” Tanaka handed the paper back to Ukai.

“Perks of being my favorite,” Ukai said. Tanaka gave a little cheer. 

“Finally, I am very disturbed by the lack of protection you all have.” He picked up the duffle bag he had brought and dumped out its contents. A pile of condoms came tumbling out. “Everyone take at least two. If you don’t take at least two, you get to run laps.” He leaned close to Yamaguchi, who backed away, shaking in fear. 

“Yes, sir.” The players all shuffled forward and reluctantly picked up two condoms.

“Come on, you want to have sex, you need to be responsible.” Ukai crossed his arms and glared at the players. “Sugawara, take five.”

Sugawara blushed and looked at Daichi. “But you said—“

“Take five. You too, lover boy.” Ukai glared at Daichi who quickly scooped up a few more and stuffed them in his pockets. “Great, now, let's start practice.”

Two weeks later, Ukai caught Tanaka and Yachi going at it. He brought more condoms the next day.


End file.
